Etiquette: Lobsters & Vegetarians

It's hard to love lobster when you're in love with a vegetarian. I can’t quite say how much affection I have for a steamed Maine lobster, which I learned how to master at a young age from my Mom and her Mom, both New England born and bred lobster aficionados. But even to the coolest of vegetarians that are completely cool with your meat eating, the proper preparation and consumption of a lobster is going to be a bit too much for them to bear. Unless your vegetarian is as utterly cool as MY vegetarian.

Now don't get me wrong, I would easily never look at another lobster or even meat again in my life for my vegetarian. And after six years together, I had never eaten a lobster in front of her and really only even eaten a couple at all. At least until she suddenly decided to treat me to a lobster last weekend at the Crystal City Legal Seafood. Now granted it was a great lobster (1.75 pounds, perfectly steamed), but what an amazing vegetarian! What an amazing girl!

Now I can't tell you she wasn't a little squeamish at the idea. So I developed a little etiquette for eating a lobster in front of a vegetarian. This could come in handy if you ever need to eat a lobster in front of any vegetarian, but especially one you love. Here goes:

First, I positioned the waste bowl in front of some water and wine glasses so she could barely even see it across the table, even if she tried.

Next, I did all the dirty work quickly (years of New England training paid off). I had all the waste in the bowl and the bowl out of the way in two minutes, and in no time to her I might as well have been eating a benign filet of fish (except for the huge smile on her love's face).

Third, I was clean. I didn't get myself too messy and had a bevy of wet hand cloths brought to the table before I was through and I excused myself to go wash my hands before sharing our amazing Boston cream pie dessert. She very much appreciated the lack of smell on me. The breath mints helped as well.

Finally, the last and perhaps most important etiquette element to eating an awesome lobster in front of an incredible, loving vegetarian with hopes of it happening again someday... a bottle of wine.